By Raelynn Clark
Mommy to Zander – stillborn in 2017
Amberlee and Hudson – rainbow babies
In August 2017, my husband, Micah, and I were expecting our son Zander when we learned at a routine appointment that he no longer had a heartbeat. I was 39 weeks pregnant and delivered Zander the following day. On Angels’ Wings was there to photograph his delivery and the limited time we had with him. OAW continues to walk alongside our family, including through a later miscarriage and the births of our rainbow babies, Amberlee and Hudson.
Micah previously shared Zander’s story and his own experience with grief on the OAW blog.
Micah : A Father’s Grief Fuels Purpose
I participated in the On Angels’ Wings Grief Recovery Program in the fall of 2020, in the first group the organization offered to its recipients. I’ve participated in similar grief-oriented programs, and I was curious how the program that OAW was offering might be different.
It was very eye opening. I went in expecting to process the loss our our son, but I ended up processing my relationship with a living person instead. The program made it clear that grief isn’t just about death, and that long-standing grief can impact how you process the big losses you’re currently experiencing. It introduced the term “STERBs” (Short-Term Energy Relieving Behaviors) into my vocabulary and showed us the ways that we use them to avoid feelings (some STERBS people might incorporate to cover their grief would be food, doom-scrolling, workaholism, shopping, exercise, etc.).
I’m more self aware of how I handle things now, especially when it comes to STERBs. I’m also able to be more understanding of the personal relationship that I processed during the grief recovery program, and I’m holding less anger over them. Since the person I processed is still alive and still the same, I should probably reprocess them at some point just to make sure I’m still not harboring any anger or resentment toward them from more recently hurtful moments.
I would absolutely recommend the Grief Recovery Program offered by On Angels’ Wings. Based on participating in other programs, I think this one is the most thorough. I think it promotes full healing over a relationship in one 8-week course. And once you’ve completed the program, you can meet up again with the specialist or others in your participation group to process future relationships/losses without having to go through the whole program again.
I love that OAW offers this because it shows that they truly stick with you through thick and thin. They’re with you for the journey…not just a session of photos and then you get lost in the crowd.
Rainbow Baby #1 – Amberlee
Rainbow Baby #2 – Hudson
