By Mackenzee Buster
Mommy to Oaklee
Premature infant loss
January 2024
I had always wanted children. Starting a family was something I dreamed about. For years, I tried—with someone I thought was “the one”—but we had no luck. Eventually, that relationship ended, and I met Oaklee’s dad. Even though I got pregnant while on birth control, I was over the moon. I knew I would be raising this baby on my own, but I was still excited. My whole family was excited. We couldn’t wait to meet her.
Everything was going well—until I went into labor at just over 24 weeks. The doctors tried everything to stop the contractions, but at exactly 25 weeks, I had to have an emergency C-section. I was terrified and prayed constantly for my baby to be okay. For a while, it seemed like she was going to be.
Oaklee was born prematurely but was strong and thriving at first. We were hopeful. But when she was almost two weeks old, I got a call around 4 a.m. Her medical team had discovered a hole in her bowel. They immediately started reaching out to hospitals in Kansas City, St. Louis, and Arkansas to find a facility that could perform emergency surgery.
But the weather was against us. There was too much snow and ice for us to be flown anywhere. Oaklee was declining fast. She was no longer breathing on her own. And I made the hardest decision of my life—to withdraw care. I couldn’t watch her struggle anymore.
In that moment, I knew I needed to be present. My parents were with me, comforting me. They both got to hold her, even after she had passed. As painful as it was, I’m grateful we had that time.
My biggest hope was to bring my baby girl home—happy and healthy in my arms. That was the dream. And everything changed in an instant when she was just shy of two weeks old. Her passing devastated me. It still does. My mom was there for all of it, and we both grieve her loss deeply. Some days are incredibly hard. I still struggle.
When I think about the future, I hope that if I’m ever blessed with another child, I never have to go through anything like this again. I dream of having a beautiful, complete family—of experiencing joy without the shadow of loss.
The photos from On Angels’ Wings mean absolutely everything to me. My parents were focused on comforting me—I didn’t even think about taking pictures, but OAW was there. They captured the most precious moments with my daughter. That’s something I’ll never forget.
The support didn’t stop there. We’ve received letters and gifts that brought both me and my mom to tears. Their kindness and thoughtfulness touches our hearts so deeply.
I absolutely recommend OAW to other families. The photos they took were beautiful. They gave us something that will last a lifetime when our time with Oaklee was far too short.
