By Molly Edwards
Mommy to Jackie, stillborn in May 2023
and rainbow baby, Mattie, born 2024
Everything changed on what I thought would be a normal Tuesday morning check-up during my pregnancy with our son, Jackie. Because of work, it was the first appointment my husband was able to attend. I was so excited for him to finally hear our son’s heartbeat.
But our hearts sank when the doppler couldn’t detect one.
We were sent for an ultrasound, hoping it was just machine error. But in that moment, our entire world was flipped upside down. Within just a few short hours, we had a village of family with us at the hospital as we prepared to deliver our sweet angel.
At first, things were really hard. We were still trying to wrap our heads around the fact that our son was gone. Then came the impossible question: how do we tell our three other children in a way they’ll understand? As time passed, things slowly got easier. The kids would ask about their brother from time to time, and we did our best to answer their questions in ways appropriate for their ages. Even now, not a day goes by that we don’t think of our sweet Jackie.
While On Angels’ Wings was still fresh in our lives following Jackie’s passing, our rainbow journey began just seven short weeks later. Finding out we were pregnant again was both terrifying and exciting. Right away, we made the decision to enjoy the pregnancy as much as we could, while being emotionally cautious after everything we’d been through. We decided not to find out the gender until birth—wanting to experience that magical moment of hearing “It’s a girl!” for the first time.
After our loss, our only hope for this baby was simple: that she would be strong and healthy.
Walking into the same delivery area to be induced was an emotional roller coaster. I had requested not to be placed in the same room where we had delivered Jackie, because just being back in that space was already so difficult. I had the best support in the room with me, including a charge nurse who, in her words, was “just doing her job.” But to me, she did so much more.
What she didn’t know was that when I got stuck in a contraction, sitting on the side of the bed, it took me right back to the exact moment I had been in that position with our angel baby. Her calm voice helped me through that panic. It helped me relax enough to lay back and deliver our baby. Hearing “It’s a girl!” was absolutely magical.
There was, however, one part of delivery I didn’t expect—our rainbow baby had shallow breathing at birth. After losing Jackie, hearing that news was triggering. I started shaking uncontrollably and felt freezing cold. Thankfully, after about 20 minutes, I started to feel normal again. Our sweet girl was taken to the NICU, where she stayed for five days. Today, she’s healthy and growing strong.
Now, our beautiful rainbow Mattie is thriving—while always knowing that her big brother is watching over her from above.
Looking to the future, I hope for health and happiness for my children and family. I want my kids to reach for the stars and achieve every dream they have, always carrying the knowledge that their brother is cheering them on from heaven.
The photos that On Angels’ Wings provided mean the world to us. The pictures of our sweet angel Jackie are the only ones we have of him, and we will cherish them forever. Our family photos—capturing our beautiful chaos—are just as special.
We also attended a lantern lighting ceremony. It was such a beautiful way to send a message to our son. With three other children, it gave them a chance to talk to their brother in their own way. Events like that help us keep his memory alive as we move forward.
OAW has provided our family with such amazing support. From the events we’ve attended to the thoughtful gifts in the mail, their care has helped ease the pain of moving forward. Knowing that Jackie will never be forgotten makes all the difference.
Losing a child is the hardest thing anyone can go through. In a time when nothing else seems to matter, On Angels’ Wings helped us begin the grieving process. They hosted events in honor of our loved one, sent heartfelt gifts, and gave us ways to remember. What they do is so important—because they make sure your family knows that your child’s memory never fades.
