By Rachael Saylor
Mommy to Finley & Presley
Stillborn in 2016 and 2020
We were just a normal family of three—busy with life and spending every extra minute having fun. Our son Morgan was two when we found out I was pregnant again. We hadn’t talked about having more kids, but we were happy. Every day became filled with more excitement and getting ready for our next son to arrive.
We were planning our future as a family of four. Morgan was now three, and every night before bed, he would climb on the bed and sing Lost Boy by Ruth B. into my stomach. He was so proud that he was going to be a big brother.
My due date was May 25, 2016, and I went to my scheduled doctor’s appointment. The doctor was getting ready to leave on vacation, and I had so many questions and concerns. He said my due date wasn’t until the second week of June, which was not at all what we had been told from the beginning. He told me I had no idea what I was talking about—that he was the doctor and he knew what was going on. He said that if I didn’t have Finley by the time he got back, he would induce me. I left his office that day bawling my eyes out, confused and scared, because I knew that would mean going three weeks past my due date.
On June 6, 2016, I went to work as usual. After a couple of hours, I began having a sharp pain in my right side, like someone was slicing me with a knife. I called my spouse, left work, and immediately went to Cox South. He also left work and met me there. I explained to the nurse that I was past my due date and shared what my doctor had said. About fifteen minutes after our arrival, I started bleeding. The nurse was very rude and told me it was normal, dismissing all of my concerns.
My spouse stepped out of the room to call his sister, who was also a charge nurse working at the hospital. Suddenly, about ten nurses rushed into the room, cutting off my clothes and prepping me for an immediate C-section as they wheeled me to the operating room. I was completely alone and scared. The last words I remember before being put under were from a nurse who said there was a lot of blood—and then she started praying.
Not only did we lose our precious son that day, but my family lost me, too. I had suffered a placental abruption, and the cord was wrapped around Finley’s neck because there was no longer room for him. It was an impossible situation that nearly cost both our lives. Even today, I still struggle with the fact that we both died that day—and they chose to save me.
After all that we had already gone through, it is impossible to find the words for what came next.
We got pregnant with our rainbow baby, Presley Skye, in late 2019. We had waited three years after losing Finley, because the grief was just too heavy. Morgan was incredibly excited to be a big brother again. Two days before I was to be induced, I attended the OAW Making Memories Day carnival for recipient families. I’ll never forget the founder, Michelle Cramer, rubbing my belly, feeling Presley kick, and tearing up with me at the excitement of her arrival.
But when I got to the hospital, I started to panic that something was wrong. My anxiety was through the roof, especially when they told me I’d be delivering in the same room where I had labored with Finley. I told them something wasn’t right. And then they couldn’t find her heartbeat. The day before, she had been fine. But on the day I was supposed to deliver her, Presley was stillborn—just like her brother.
The insurmountable grief of losing Finley and Presley tore our family apart. My husband and I split because we didn’t know how to carry the devastation and grief for ourselves, let alone for each other. We are no longer the happy family of three we once were.
Still, I’m thankful we’ve been able to become friends again, to raise our son with the best support and love we can. I hope that Morgan is able to continue coping with his grief in a positive way. He still talks about his siblings in Heaven. He still remembers.
Nothing else can even come close to the support On Angels’ Wings has given us. They continuously check on us and keep our kids’ memories alive. Their organization and support mean everything to me. I’ve made lifelong friendships with people who truly care and understand what I’ve been through. Michelle’s vision of what OAW can offer families is endless.
