By Danielle Lenze
Mommy to Elizabeth
Trisomy 18
Born still in April 2024
Tim and I found out we were pregnant in January and told the kids on March 8th after our first doctor’s appointment. We had blood work done at that appointment for genetic testing and to find out the gender. We went home and told the kids and they were all so excited and happy that they were all crying tears of joy.
On March 15th we found out that we were having a girl. We already had 4 daughters and a son, and we were looking forward to her joining the family and including her in everything we did.
However, the test results also showed a high percentage of fetal cells indicating that she had Trisomy 18. We went to the maternal fetal medicine doctor on April 3rd for an ultrasound since I didn’t want to do further testing. The doctor confirmed that sweet Elizabeth had Trisomy 18 and that she would likely pass before my due date, or live no more than a few weeks if born alive.
She offered me an abortion and when she left the room her colleague came in and offered me an abortion, and I let them both know that wasn’t an option for us. They allowed us to have another ultrasound and to record Elizabeth’s heartbeat. They gave us a stuffed animal sheep that we could put her heartbeat in as a keepsake to remember her by. That was a very hard appointment. Tim and I couldn’t help but break down and cry as we tried to console each other. We had so much hope even despite the diagnosis. I was so mad at how the doctors were certain she wouldn’t make it. I knew that there were so many instances where doctors were wrong. and I thought they were wrong when it came to our baby.
We had to leave that appointment and tell the kids what the doctors had told us. Over the next few weeks, there were many tears that were shed and hopes shared for Elizabeth. We just didn’t want to believe the doctors. We knew that God still works miracles. This was a very hard time for me, and I believe looking back on it that I had anticipatory grief just knowing that what the doctors said was a possibility. There were so many days that I couldn’t help but cry often. I was so ready to take care of her no matter what it took. I was even looking at different hospitals all over the country that would give her a fighting chance, hospitals that are trisomy friendly. I didn’t care that she had special needs, because that is what my job specializes in, and she would always be perfect to us no matter what disability she may have had. I was ready to do anything to keep her. She was our little girl already. Life was being planned around her being with us. I didn’t want to come home without her and I truly believed that I wouldn’t.
I went to one more doctor’s appointment at Mercy where her little heartbeat was strong. But I came to dread going to the doctor because of their anticipated outcome for Elizabeth.
On April 23rd, I had another doctor’s appointment and when I got in the room they had me all set up to hear her heartbeat on the fetal monitor. The medical assistant didn’t hear a heartbeat so the doctor took me into another room to do an ultrasound; she wasn’t moving and that there was no heartbeat. She then sent me downstairs to confirm with the maternal fetal medicine ultrasound tech who sent the scan to the doctor in Springfield that confirmed that she had passed. This was the hardest time of my life knowing that my baby was no longer with me and that I had to tell my family.
I would be returning to the hospital the following morning to be medically induced to give birth to my angel. Sleep did not come easy that night. All I could do was pace back and forth, pray that God would have mercy on me, and cry.
I went in at 6 a.m. and made the doctor do another ultrasound to be sure before it all started; it confirmed she was gone. I was induced. It was themost excruciating agony waiting to give birth to my sweet, sleeping angel. I have never shed so many tears just waiting to have my baby while in the background I heard mother’s crying out in pain of childbirth and then hearing their sweet babe’s cries – knowing that I would never hear the cry of my Elizabeth Evangeline. The nurse and the doctor that were there to deliver her were both named Elizabeth…. What are the chances?
I had her at 11:28pm the night of April 24, 2024. After she was born Tim went to get the kids to introduce them to their little sister and they were allowed to stay the night with us in our room. We were able to spend the night as a family with Elizabeth while I held her on my chest and dozed in and out of sleep. We got to sing to her and tell her stories. We cried and we even had a few laughs as odd as it may seem. We made some precious memories that we will all hold dear in our hearts.
We are so sad and broken to be living without our sweet girl. We have our ups and downs and cry often, but we try to stay positive. She has a gravestone just down the road from our house so we are able to visit whenever we like. We talk to her, sing, tell her about our days. We still keep her involved in our lives by talking about her often and looking forward to being with her again.
I hope that we continue to move on and heal from losing our precious Elizabeth. We want to be a light to others that have helped us during our most difficult times, and we hope to help others that will face hard times in the future. We want to keep her memory alive and continue involving her in our everyday life by doing the best we can do and excelling for her.
The pictures that I have of Elizabeth mean so much to me because it was such a bittersweet time that was captured, and because of that I can treasure the moments for the rest of my life. I will be able to look back and remember what my precious baby looked like and how I felt when I held her. I was so thankful to be able to have these moments with the whole family together and that we were able to spend time with Elizabeth. OAW was such a blessing; we wouldn’t have felt comfortable to have another photographer come in and take such raw, intimate pictures for our family.
OAW is such an awesome organization that deeply cares for the families that they provide services for. They are very considerate of our needs and want to help in any way that they can. Their services are very important because without them I wouldn’t have all the precious memories to look back on with my precious baby and our whole family together. I am so thankful to them for providing such a caring and thoughtful lady to take our pictures even though it was after midnight when she was able to come into our hospital room. She did a phenomenal job and you could tell that she really cared for us and how we were feeling.
