By Erin Tucker
Mommy to Eliza Janelle
Hydrocephalus and Achondroplasia
March 2021
While still pregnant with my fourth child, I was told that she had fatal birth defects and would likely not survive after birth. That is when we were first connected to On Angels’ Wings. I was given contact information for several support groups and reached out for them to do our maternity pictures.
When the time came for me to be induced, the doctors explained that if there was a chance to perform life saving measures when Eliza was born, they would do it. But if there was no hope of her surviving – even with intervention – they would give her medications to ease her passing. Unfortunately, there was nothing that could be done to save her once Eliza arrived, so they did as promised and then gave her to me so I could spend her last moments with her. But when they wiped off her face and handed her to me, I knew I had lost her.
The nurse called On Angels’ Wings and they came in to take photos of that moment too. It was a beautiful yet overwhelming experience.
I had expected her to make it; to learn how to be a better mother through caring for her and teaching me that I’m stronger than I think. I was prepared for the challenge of raising a child with special needs. Now I’m just learning to be strong in a different way. I’m handling it all the best I can, including therapy. I’m trying to accept that maybe my higher power has different plans for us. I’m trying not to cry every time I think of her.
Fortunately, On Angels’ Wings is one of the support groups that has stayed in contact, keeping up with me and my kids, helping us to continue to grieve in a positive and impactful way. The pictures mean everything to me because I have some very precious memories of her that will never disappear. OAW has given me and my other children a chance to find joy despite the grief. We’ve attended a professional women’s basketball game and a St. Louis Cardinals game for free, where we could just do something fun and focus on being a family. We’ve done additional photo sessions that allow us to create memories and also honor Eliza.
On Angels’ Wings is top tier. I know they haven’t forgotten about us as they stay in touch regularly and put these events together to help us not feel so alone. There are many different families going through similar things. And OAW won’t just leave you when the pictures are done. They are there for you every step. We’re thankful to be part of the OAW family.
