By Christina Bryant
Mommy to Da’Laya
Interrupted Aortic Arch Type B, large VSD
November 2019 – February 2020
I got pregnant when I was 17 and did everything to ensure I had a healthy baby and pregnancy. My son was born with a hole in his heart and unbalanced chromosomes. They flew him to St. Louis 12 hours after birth, leaving me with an empty belly and empty arms. Two and a half weeks later he passed while I was in Springfield during a follow up doctor’s visit. The only pictures I had of him are the ones the nurses took and sent me.
At 27, I got pregnant again. I was scared after loosing my first child, but made sure my doctors knew everything about me. Fortunately, I was blessed with a beautiful, healthy little girl.
I got pregnant with my third child at 38 years old. During pregnancy it was confirmed my daughter, Da’Laya, would be born with a heart defect, unbalanced chromosomes and would need heart surgery immediately after birth. During pregnancy, I had doctor visits every 2 weeks – one in Springfield one in St Louis – as they monitored both of us closely. I knew God had a plan and my girl would be fine.
I was to have a scheduled delivery in St Louis so that the NICU team on the heart floor would be there to assist my daughter immediately upon her arrival. As I was loading the car to go to St. Louis, my water broke. I was devastated and beyond scared. I couldn’t endure the same situation as my son. I was hoping to be able to bring Da’Laya home, and even though she was going to be special needs, I imagined all the ways I could bring joy to her life because she had already brought joy to mine. I only ever expected God’s will to be done.
The St. Louis specialists were too afraid to send me to them by helicopter, so the St. Louis NICU heart team flew to me!! They got my daughter situated and allowed me to see and touch her before they flew her to St. Louis. My doctor released me early with the promise I’d follow up with my doctors in St. Louis.
I was hopeful I would be bringing my daughter home with me. But it seemed after each thing they fixed, something else occurred. Da’Laya had 8 surgeries including amputation of her foot due to being on ECMO. She even came off ECMO and was doing well her last surgery, but they couldn’t stop her bleeding. I have never seen nurses and doctors work so hard to save anyone in my life, but there was nothing more they could do for her. Before my baby’s life ended, the social worker suggested having family pictures done by On Angels’ Wings. The joy in my heart at that point is indescribable. I didn’t get to bring my daughter home physically, but God made sure my daughter will always be with me. I was blessed to be able to spend her entire life by her side. I have more pictures than I ever imagined and professional pictures at that!!
My oldest daughter and I were definitely ready to embrace every moment of the journey with Da’Laya, good or bad – we didn’t want to miss anything. During Da’Laya’s short time with us, and since then, my oldest and I have became closer and learned to appreciate all the little moments we used to take for granted. Now we love speaking of Da’Laya on a regular basis enjoy the memories we made and we make sure she lives continuously in our life. I intend to continue being the best mom I can to the one daughter God blessed me to have here with me. I hope one day she can say “My mom always did her best and everything she could to ensure and steer me in the right direction. She stood behind me no matter my hopes or dreams and I never had to face life alone.”
Having On Angels’ Wings there to take pictures in those final moments was life changing. If you’re in a similar situation, you may not feel like celebrating with pictures at the time, or participating in events as you grief, but you will definitely regret not doing it. OAW provided us with priceless, forever memories. Having Da’Laya’s face on our walls to see on a regular basis is healing. We’ve also attended events that OAW has and every time I participate, I feel like I’m engaging with my daughter.
What OAW does is important – they capture what we can’t see in our moment of grief. When I received our pictures, they were so beautiful, colorful and full of life. Getting ready for that session was stressful and emotional. The moments were emotional. And living in it felt so heavy. But OAW captured our love for Da’Laya, celebrating her life. OAW truly brings out what we can’t see. It’s been four years since my daughter passed, and OAW is the only grief support I’m still engaged with. They are absolutely filling a gap in my grief recovery, providing something to celebrate my daughter in a joyful way, something I think other grief supports lack. Anything I see, hear, read, or attend from OAW allows me to cry tears of both loss and joy simultaneously.
