By Cynthia Matthews
Mommy to Gracie, stillborn in 2016
and rainbow baby, LeeAnn, born in 2017
We weren’t planning on having more kids, but I had gone off birth control. About six months later, we found out we were pregnant. We went to the doctor all the time, and everything seemed to be going fine. But on March 3, 2016, during what we thought would be a routine stress ultrasound, everything changed.
That appointment was supposed to be just another check-up. They listened for her heartbeat with the monitor, and it was shallow. By the time they got us into the ultrasound room, there was no heartbeat at all.
I had to wait while they figured out what hospital would take me. Cox told me to be there at 6 a.m. on March 4th. They started my labor, and it wasn’t until March 5th that I delivered Gracie.
I was able to hold her. We spent time with her. And On Angels’ Wings came in and took pictures for us—something we will always be grateful for.
My hope had been to bring a new baby into our family. When we lost her, it tore me apart. It was very hard on everyone. My family took it hard because we all wanted this baby so badly. Things are okay now, but it’s still hard around her birthday and her angel date. Those days never get easier.
About six months after we lost Gracie, we found out we were pregnant with LeeAnn. It was a very emotional pregnancy. Everything I thought might be wrong sent me straight to the hospital. The fear never really went away.
LeeAnn’s delivery was hard. She didn’t want to go down into the birth canal and stayed high up, so I never dilated. Eventually, they had to do a C-section.
Now she’s eight years old and healthy—and she knows all about her big sister. We talk to her about Gracie often, and LeeAnn always says, “My sister is in heaven.” That’s how we keep Gracie’s memory alive.
The photos OAW took of Gracie mean so much to us. They give me something to remember her by—something real to hold on to. We try to attend everything we can with OAW. The women there are wonderful. The events help me cope with the loss.
OAW is the only group I’m involved with, but it’s the one I need. They always support me, and they’re there when I need someone to talk to. All the ladies are willing to listen. OAW is so important because they help families get through one of the hardest journeys you can imagine. They make sure we never feel like we’re going through it alone.
