Ana Gerry
Mommy to Amaya
Alobar Holoprosencephaly
April 17 – May 6, 2024
I found out I was pregnant in late 2023. At my 12-week ultrasound we were told that the baby’s brain was not developing properly. It wasn’t until the next week that we had a meeting with a specialist who told us about our daughter’s prognosis. We were told that her chances for survival were not good. Genetic tests were done and found out her gender. I had two boys at the time ages 4 years old and 7 months old. I had always wanted to have a girl. When her gender results came back my partner and I were crushed that we got our girl, but she may not survive.
In the meeting with the specialist we were shown pictures of babies born with her prognosis, and told that she would most likely look the same. We were absolutely petrified and confused. I remember holding it together until we got to the parking lot where I just began sobbing.
I continued to hope that the next ultrasound would show they made a mistake on her diagnosis and she was perfectly healthy. But our 19-week ultrasound showed that she had clubbed feet and confirmed her brain development issues: Alobar Holoprosencephaly. The doctor told us that it was nothing we had done but rather a flaw at conception.
My pregnancy was considered high risk, so my appointments were frequent and long. It took time away from my son’s schooling, and made it hard to really do or schedule anything. The ultrasounds that followed were nothing but more bad news every time. I was told I would most likely miscarry her at any point. In my later ultrasounds they could not find any kidneys and her amniotic fluid was very low.
I was in excruciating pain as the weeks progressed. The pressure of her being against my bones and no fluid between us was unbearable. I was asked over and over again if I was sure I wanted to continue the pregnancy. But for me, this was my daughter. She was the one thing I had wanted for so long and I wanted to carry her to term.
I did not take many pictures during my pregnancy because the bump was not as pronounced as my other pregnancies and part of me didn’t want to get too excited or attached. Then On Angels’ Wings reached out to me to set up maternity pictures. I had told Michelle, the founder, that I wasn’t showing a whole lot and wasn’t sure I wanted pictures. She assured me that I would want them in the future and set me up with an appointment that was closer to my due date. I am forever thankful for her! Those pictures are so precious to me and my daughter’s story.
My water broke in April 2024, and when we arrived at the hospital, the doctor told us she would not be born alive. We told them that we wanted an unmonitored birth, without interventions. I had thought that I would give birth naturally like I had with my other two, but it was 12 hours later, and I still hadn’t progressed any after they placed the inserted induction pill. I then got started on Pitocin. I was terrified and exhausted. I opted for an epidural, and after that point things began to progress quite quickly. The epidural allowed me to get some rest before it was time to push.
The OAW photographer got there when I was 9 cm dilated. There was my partner, mother and my partner’s mother in the delivery room. We all began to cry knowing that the time was very quickly approaching to meet our daughter. Amaya was born and all the sound in the room faded away as I waited to hear or see my daughter. I remember my partner saying she was alive and beautiful. Then I heard her and it felt like a weight was lifted off of me.
We held her expecting her to pass away at any moment, but she didn’t and we were able to take her home. Amaya lived at home for nearly 3 weeks before she passed, and we’re so grateful for that extra, unexpected time with her. Now we are trying to heal and honor her and her memory each and every day.
The photos On Angels’ Wings took mean everything to me. We participated in the most recent photo session for remembering children who have passed, and it was beautiful getting to see all of my children in a photo. It’s hard to do any kind of family events or photos because she’s not here and she should be. Those pictures made me feel like our family was complete again. OAW has made me feel supported and understood. They capture important moments and do selfless work, so families like mine have memories to look back on.
